Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
