the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
