She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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