i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
