Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
