so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
