I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
