very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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