this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
