When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
