it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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