Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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