I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
