I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
