as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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