I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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