I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
