I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize
