remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
