I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
