Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
