debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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