Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
