She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
birth control should be required to get into college
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Randomize
