i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
