I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
