If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
