Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
