Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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