I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
