The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
