I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
