Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
