The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
