I don't usually arrange sex via text message
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
