my phone needs a breathalizer
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
