I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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