I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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