Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
