You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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