yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
