I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
