Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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