Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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