I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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