i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
