A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
