Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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