8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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