We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
