if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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