Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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