How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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