I will die if light touches me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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