I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
