i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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