I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My room smells like vodka and shame
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
