I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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