i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The adults are the big ones right?
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