I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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