i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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