I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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