Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
