Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
