I cannot find my penis.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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