is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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