Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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