I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
