You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
