I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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