I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
