best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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