does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
